


What the Hell Was in That Punch?

by Jekkah



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Anal Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Humor, M/M, Multi, Oral Sex, Sexual Content, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-25
Packaged: 2017-11-19 02:22:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jekkah/pseuds/Jekkah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*WINNER FOR THE CHRISTMAS SMUT CHALLENGE ON FACEBOOK* Things get a little crazy when David Rossi hosts the unofficial office Christmas party.  Written for the FB Christmas Smut Challenge.  Multiple pairings</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. JJ and Hotch

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: This was written for the Christmas Smut Challenge on Facebook. We were allowed to choose our own pairing and from a list of prompts. The prompts I chose were office Christmas party, stockings, Christmas lights. 
> 
> I went a little pairing crazy on this so please bear with me. I randomly selected numbers to add up to the fourteen characters I didn't pair (I paired JJ and Hotch on my own) and then randomly selected the pairings per those numbers (all done on pieces of paper). Hope you enjoy!

JJ awoke slowly as the sun streaming into her eyes could no longer be denied. Her back was chilly, thought her front was warm as was were her legs. Her brain felt like mud and every part of her body ached. Her eyes closed, she shifted slightly, only to realize the pressure between her legs was a half-erect penis snug in her vagina. JJ slid her eyelids partially open to reveal that her head was currently laying on a male chest. It was not the chest that she normally awoke to, the thin chest of her husband, but a broader chest of someone else.

“Oh God,” JJ moaned, trying desperately to remember what had happened last night. Party, her brain whispered to her. That's right, she thought to herself. Last night was the unofficial office Christmas party. It had been held at Rossi's house this year instead of in the office because of budgets cuts. He had gone all out, inviting nearly everyone in the area that had every helped the BAU in any way.

She had shown up at the party with Will, but they had been fighting and quickly parted shortly after arriving. She could remember mingling with a few people, but found herself drifting to Hotch, who seemed to be in the midst of his own disagreement with Beth. The later the night went, however, the fuzzier her thoughts got. Just what the hell had been in that punch?

“Hotch,” she whispered, suddenly. She lifted her head to find herself looking into the peaceful face of her boss. She tensed as the realization that they were both laying on Rossi's green chaise lounger naked hit her.

Hotch opened his obsidian eyes directly into hers. They quickly clouded with confusion. “JJ?”

The huskiness in voice shot straight to her groin and she felt a flood a wetness cover them both. Involuntarily, Hotch clenched his hands, which lay on her ass, causing them both to gasp. JJ rose slightly, causing him to slip slightly, though not completely from her.

“Hotch,” she breathed out. Flashes of the previous night invaded her brain: how they came into Rossi's study hot and heavy, hands and lips all over each other; how she had removed her clothes and his in less than a minute; how he had taken her up against the door, in front of the fireplace, and over the back of the lounger. She thought of her near-demand to have him sleep in her all night as she tried to recover from the heights he had taken her to; about how he had so lovingly draped the throw over their bodies; about how he had stroked her skin until she feel asleep., whispering sweetly in her ear.

“We should probably-” Hotch started to saw, but was cut off by JJ's lips descending upon his. He immediately felt his erection grow.

JJ pulled back just far enough to whisper, “I don't want to talk. I want to just live in this moment for a little while longer.”

Hotch nodded, bringing her head back to his. He pushed his way into her, sucking on her tongue until it ached before releasing her. He broke their kiss to suckle her neck while his hands moved down her back, over her butt, to feel where he was still inside her. Hotch ran his fingers through her folds, helping to spiral her higher and higher.

“Enough of the teasing!” JJ ordered. She sat up, putting her hands on his chest. She slid down the rest of his length, biting her lip at the feel of all of him inside of her. Slowly, JJ rose until he was once again almost completely out of her before impaling herself on him again. 

“JJ!” he urged. “I'm not- you have to- You have to go!”

She nodded and began to move faster. Hotch met her thrust for thrust, using one hand to cup her breast and the other to circle her pleasure nub. He sat up slightly, changing the angle of their coupling. She called out as he capture her other breast with his mouth, laving the nipple with tongue.

“Oh, God! Right there,” JJ cried as a fireball built deep within her. “Oh, yes! Hotch! Hotch!”

Hotch screamed out her name as her orgasm triggered his own. He collapsed against the chaise lounger, bringing her down with him. Blood pounded in both their ears and they had a hard time catching their breaths.

“That was incredibly,” she whispered into his neck.

He turned his head to kiss her temple. “You're incredible.”

Hotch slipped from her at last, grinning when she whimpered. She ran her fingers absently through his hair as the reality of the situation had begun to sunk in. She was still married and he was still involved with Beth and while she seemed to feel no guilt about either, it was still fact. As if hearing her thoughts, Hotch's solemn eyes found her own. They both looked up when they heard clapping from the doorway.

“Well, gumdrops, I have to say, that was one hell of a performance,” Garcia told them.


	2. Garcia, Gina, and Beth

“How long have been standing there?” JJ demanded, not bothering to cover herself even as Hotch scrambled to pull the throw over the both of them.

“Only for the grand finale,” Garcia replied, nonchalant, “but I could hear you for the last twenty minutes. You guys put on a pretty good show.”

Hotch growled, “Garcia, do you mind?”

She shrugged as she entered the room fully. She picked up his shirt and her underwear and handed the item to them. She turned away to allow them to dress.

“You said you heard us?” JJ asked after she was dressed. Garcia nodded as she faced her. “Pen, who else is still here?”

“I'm not sure,” Garcia admitted. “Things are a little hazy about last night. What the hell was in that punch?”

JJ glanced at Hotch who was examining the lounger and frowning at the mess left behind. “So, you don't know if Will's still here?” Garcia shook her head, a little bit of worry creeping in her eyes. “What about... what about Beth?”

She bit her bottom lip. “She's still here, but I'm pretty sure she didn't hear you guys.”

“Why do you say that?” Hotch asked, trying and failing to sound concerned that he would be caught.

“Because, well, you see...” Garcia took a deep breath. “I know because I spent the night with her... and Gina.”

“Gina? The tech girl?” JJ repeated at the same time that Hotch asked, “What do you mean, 'spent the night'?”

“I'm not exactly sure how it happened,” she admitted. “I just remember ending up in one of Rossi's spare bedrooms with Beth and Gina and several of those stockings that Rossi passed out as favors.”

JJ cringed, avoiding Hotch's look. Rossi's stockings had been filled with flavored body paint, lubricant, tiny vibrators, condoms, and other sex toys. She hadn't found any evidence that either she or Hotch had brought one into the study with them, meaning, in addition to the unprotected sex that morning, they had had it the night before. Not their brightest move. She shook her head to bring her focus back to Garcia.

“Why don't you tell us what happened?”

“Well, like I said, I found myself in a bedroom with Beth and Gina...”

Garcia laughed as Beth fell backwards out the bed, her arms outstretched. She appeared to be having the time of her life. Gina stood off to the side, trying to remove her pantyhose.

“You know, I've never really done anything crazy,” Beth announced. She moved her head to look at Garcia. “I've never even had a girl kiss.”

“Well, I can fix that,” Garcia told her. She stumbled to the bed, crawling over Beth so that her hips straddled Beth's upper legs. Garcia put her hands out either side of Beth's head. She leaned down and kissed Beth gently, running her tongue over Beth's lips before she pulled away. “There, now you can say you've had your first girl kiss.”

Beth's eyes sparkled as she said, “That was wonderful.”

They both bounced when Gina leapt onto the bed, putting her head near both of theirs. “What do you say we get really crazy tonight, ladies?”

“What do you have in mind?” Garcia giggled, knowing exactly what Gina was thinking and excited to see if that's where the night ended up. 

“Well, if Beth is up to it,” Gina explained, tucking a piece of hair behind Beth's ear. “I was thinking that she could experience her first all girl threesome.”

Beth's hand shot up and pulled Gina down for a kiss. “It would be my first threesome of any kind.”

Gina ran her hand under Beth's shirt, feeling her smooth skin. “I guess that means your game.” She laughed when Beth nodded enthusiastically. “Well, then, I guess we should all strip.”

“Just relax, sweetie,” Garcia told Beth, running her fingers up Beth's right thigh after they were all in the bed naked. She bent down and blew on Beth's nipple, delighted to see it hardened. “We are going to make you feel so good.”

Gina bent down and capture Beth's mouth while Garcia planted tiny nips and licks on her way to Beth's center. She knelt between Beth's legs, rubbing her thighs as she moved them apart. Garcia gave her one long lick the entire way up her center, smacking her lips at Beth's tasty juices. She bumped Beth's clit with nose. Beth nearly jumped up. 

Smiling, Garcia closed her lips around Beth's button, teasing it with her tongue. Garcia used one hand to run all over Beth's stomach and hips. She inserted two fingers inside Beth exploring all of her nooks and crannies.

“How does she taste?” Gina asked Garcia.

“Delicious,” Garcia cooed. Her response seemed to spur Gina on and she double her efforts on Beth's mouth and on her breasts, kneading her flesh and pinching her nipples.

Beth took a deep gasp suddenly before bucking her entire body as wave after wave of pleasure overtook her body. She collapsed against the bed, her entire body shaking. Beth opened her eyes sometime later to see both Garcia and Gina staring down at her.

“We thought we lost you there for a minute,” Garcia told her, gently wiping strands of hair from Beth's face. “I don't think I've ever seen anyone come so fast.”

“I don't think I ever have,” Beth shot back. “I'd like to return the favor, but I've got to rest a bit.”

Garcia shook her head. “Don't worry about it. I have special plans for Gina.”

Gina smiled, seductively, offering her hand to Garcia. Garcia climbed over Beth to hover on top of Gina. Beth used the last of her energy to scoot away, rolling onto her side so that she could watch. Garcia placed a line of kisses up Gina's body, starting just above her pubic hair. Gina intertwined her fingers into Garcia's hair, attacking her mouth and shamelessly rubbing her body against Garcia's until they were both wet and tingling.

Maneuvering one leg under Gina's knee and the other over her hip, Garcia brought their clits together. She began to rock back and forth. They both moaned at the sensations.

“Oh, Penelope,” Gina sighed. “Oh, that feels amazing. What are you doing to me?”

“I'm going to make you feel so good, sweetheart,” Garcia replied. “So good.”

Garcia lifted Gina's leg straight in the air, using it as leverage to increase their rocking. Sweat began to cover both of their bodies as the intensity increased. Gina caressed Garcia's ass, chanting her name over and over. Their motions hit a frenzied pace.

“So good. So fucking good!” Gina screamed out, her entire body in spasms as she came. Garcia followed right behind her, shouting, “Feel that! Feel that pussy come!”

“That was the hottest thing I've ever seen in my life,” Beth told them. She cuddled up to Garcia's side after Garcia rolled off of Gina. Gina moved to her other side and feel quickly asleep. The other two followed, limbs from all three interlocked.

“The next thing I knew, I was awoken to the sounds of your lovemaking,” Garcia finished. She looked sheepishly at Hotch. “I'm sorry, sir. I don't know what came over me. I never-”

Hotch put his hands in front of him to stop her apology. “It's fine, Garcia. I clearly don't have a leg to stand on seeing as we were the reason you woke up this morning.” He paused. “I didn't know you were a lesbian.”

Garcia grinned, relieved that he wasn't angry. “I'm not. I just like sex.”

JJ flashed him a smile. “Pen's always been a bit free about her sexuality outside of the office. It's the relationship side that she's a little more unsure about.”

“Oh,” was Hotch's only reply, not sure how to respond to that. He frowned at the secretive look that Garcia and JJ exchanged. “Oh! Have you two-”

“No,” JJ told him. “We haven't.”

Hotch nodded, refusing to consider who else Garcia might have slept with on the team. He opened his mouth to say more, but was stopped by the door shutting. Reid stood breathlessly on the other side. He barely looked at Hotch or Garcia before racing to JJ.

“Oh, Jayje, I am so sorry.”


	3. Reid, Blake, and Will

“I don't know how it happened,” Reid told JJ, shaking his head, his eyes wide. “What the hell was in that punch?”

“That seems to be the prevailing theme of the day,” Garcia muttered to Hotch, who nodded his agreement.

JJ grabbed Reid's shoulders to stop his pacing. “Okay, Reid, out with your story. Don't worry. I won't be mad.”

Reid swallowed hard. “It started when I walked out of the bathroom to find Will standing there...”

Startled, Reid froze in place at the predatory look in Will's eyes. Will ran his hand up Reid's arm, across his shoulder, and up his neck. He curled a piece of Reid's hair around his finger. “Have I ever mentioned how much I love your hair this length?”

“N-n-no,” Reid stuttered, unable to tear his eyes away from Will's.

“It really brings out your playful side,” Will told me. He leaned in and breathed a kiss over Reid's moistened lips. “Mm. You taste pretty delicious, too.”

Reid opened his mouth to reply, but found it covered by Will's. His tongue probed every millimeter of Reid's mouth, searching for every last bit of the chocolate that Reid had eaten earlier. Gently, Will pushed on Reid's shoulders to back him against the hallway wall as he deepened the kiss. Reid rubbed his groin against Will's, smiling when he felt Will's penis harden.

“Hello, boys,” Blake said, sauntering up to the two of them. She leaned her hip against the wall. “Is this a private party?”

Will broke the kiss to look over at her. His eyes roved all over her body. “What do you say, baby? You want to turn this twosome into a threesome?”

Reid licked his lips. He nipped Will's ear, keeping his hot gaze on Blake. “Sounds like a pretty good idea to me.”

“Excellent,” Blake said. She grabbed their hands and towed them to an empty bedroom. She pushed Reid down on the couch and knelt before him. Will sat beside him, plundering Reid's mouth once again. Blake removed Reid's shoes and socks. She unzipped Reid's jeans and pulled them off, snagging his reindeer boxers as she went.

“That looks mighty appetizing, doesn't it?” Will told Blake, nodding to the throbbing member in front of her face.

Blake swirled her tongue around the tip of him. “He's heavenly.” She softly nibbled her way down his shaft, sucking in one testicle then the other. She licked her way back up before taking as much of his massive length as she was able. Using one hand to stroke what she couldn't take in her mouth, Blake set up a firm rhythm.

“Damn, that's hot,” Will whistled, striping. He sat back on the couch and took his penis in his own hand as he watched Blake and Reid. He saw sweat beading on Reid's forehead and his body tense. Will grabbed Blake's head, pulling her from Reid. “Not just yet, baby.”

“I think we need to make you feel good,” Reid told her when he was able to breathe again. He stood and set about systematically undressing Blake until she stood bare in front of them. Reid bent down and licked one of her nipples before sucking in as much of her breast as he was able. Blake called out in pleasure, grabbing head to keep him there.

Not wanting to be left out, Will walked behind, nestling his erection between her butt cheeks. He moved his hands around to her front. He kept one hand on her hip as he ran two fingers through her folds, circling her clit. He worked her faster and faster, biting her neck, until she cried out as the orgasm overtook her.

Blake sank into Will, using his arms to support herself. She gazed at Reid through half-closed eyes. “Go get one of those stockings from the dresser.”

Reid grabbed one of the stockings, idly wondering why the party gifts were in that room. He handed Blake the stocking. She brought out a bottle of lube and two condoms. She gave each of the boys a condom. 

“You think both of you can handle me at once?”

They both nodded eagerly. Blake guided Reid to bed, sitting him on the edge. She ripped his shirt over his head and tossed it away, kissing him until he was making urgent noises in the back of his throat. She backed off enough to roll the condom onto Reid.

Blake looked over her shoulder at Will, who was standing there watching them intently. She stuck her butt out. “Are you going to prepare me or not?”

“Sure thing, baby,” Will told her. He rolled on his own condom and covered it with the lube. He then spread the lube over two of his fingers. He circled her rosebud before sliding one finger inside. “Damn, you're tight.”

“This isn't exactly something I do regularly,” Blake shot back. She turned her attention to Reid, kissing him all over in an attempt to ignore the pain she felt from behind as Will he stuck another finger inside her and scissored to stretch her.

Will placed a kiss in the middle of her back. “I think you're ready, baby.”

Blake nodded. She urged Reid into the middle of the bed and straddled him. She slowly sunk down on him before rising again. She fucked him hard for a few minutes until she was completely wet. Blake laid down fully on Reid. “Okay, let's go.”

Will scrambled onto the bed. He mounted Reid's legs and began to slowly push inside of Blake's ass. She teared up at the pressure, burying her face into Reid's shoulder. As he began to hit more resistance, Will hesitated. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No!” Blake huffed out. “Keep going. It'll be fine once you're all the way in.”

“That feels amazing,” Reid said, his eyes concentrating on Will's. “I can feel every bit of you.”

Will smiled when his balls hit Blake's butt. He gave her a few short strokes to distend her further. “Good?”

“Wonderful,” she replied. “Now, move!”

“You heard the lady,” Will told Reid. He pulled out and thrust back in as Reid pulled out. After a few minutes, they found a rhythm that worked for all three of them.

“This is- Oh God! I've never – oh! - felt so full – mm – in my life!” Blake shouted. Reid babbled beneath her, incoherently. 

Will hummed in her ear. “You are so fucking hot, baby. We are going to make you come so hard you're going to forget your name.”

The sensations of the double penetration threatened to overwhelm her, but she had never felt more alive in her life. Blake kissed down Reid's neck until she found the spot that made him gasp in the middle of his ramblings. She settled there, transferring all of concentration to sucking him.

“I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come!” Will screamed seconds before he exploded. Blake followed right behind him, screeching until she lost her voice. The world fell in on her and blackness overtook her.

“Alex. Alex!”

Blake awoke a few seconds later to Reid tapping her cheek and calling her name. She was laying on the bed with Reid and Will on either side of her, staring at her with concern. “What happened?”

“You passed out, baby,” Will chuckled.

“I have never come that hard in my life,” she replied, wiping sweat from her forehead. “What about you?”

Will shook his head. “Me, either.” He looked over at Reid. “What about you, baby?”

Reid blushed. “I haven't- I mean, I didn't-”

“Oh,” Will said, glancing at Reid's still erect member. He rolled over and lifted his ass in the air. “Well, come over here and finish off. Make sure you lube up.”

“If you're sure?” Reid asked, even as he grabbed the lube from the end of the bed. He prepped Will just as Will had done so to Blake earlier. Reid launched himself inside of Will, not stopping until he was fully inside.

“Wow, you're big,” Will breathed out. He turned his head towards Blake. “This feels wonderful. I can see why you wanted it.”

Reid grunted. “As much as I'm enjoying this conversation, I'm not going to last very long. I'm too keyed up.

Will reach his hand behind him to touch Reid's arm. “Then, go, baby, and don't hold back.”

At these words, Reid began to pound into Will, seeming to take no prisoners as he used Will's ass for his own gratification. Beneath him, Will was groaning, but Reid barely noticed as he raced towards his ultimate goal. The blood rushed through his ears as if he was running through a wind tunnel. His entire world came down to one focus. Without warning, his orgasm erupted.

“Eureka!” Reid shouted. He continued to plunge into Will until his the last of his orgasm subsided. Reid collapsed onto the bed. He drew Blake and Will close to him, kissing both their foreheads. “Thank you for that.”

“Our pleasure,” they replied, each throwing a leg over his before drifting off to sleep.

Reid lowered his head as he finished telling his story. “I woke up a few minutes ago and snuck out of the room. JJ, I am so sorry. I can hope that you can forgive me-”

“Reid! It's okay. There's really nothing for me to forgive you for,” JJ assured him, taking a peak at Hotch, who reddened.

“Oh, so I guess I'm not the only one who had an interesting night,” Reid replied, a bit of a spark entering his eyes.

“Definitely not,” Prentiss and Morgan said from the doorway.


	4. Morgan, Prentiss, Seaver, and Kevin

“How long have you been standing there?” Reid asked them. His cheeks tinged in embarrassment. Letting Morgan know what he had done the night before was not part of his plans.

“Long enough to know you had a hell of a good time,” Morgan replied, smartly.

JJ raised an eyebrow, taking in their rumpled clothing and disheveled hair. “Looks like you two have a story of your own to share. Did you two hook up?”

Morgan and Prentiss glanced at each other briefly before looking away, embarrassed. She cleared her throat. “Not... exactly.”

“Spill it.”

“Before we do, just remember, PG, that I love you and I have no idea how this happened,” Prentiss pleaded.

Morgan groaned. “What the hell was in that punch anyway?”

Garcia waved them off. “I took the boss man's wife to bed,. I'm pretty sure there's nothing you could have done that was so bad.”

“You did what?” Morgan and Reid shouted together. They both turned to Hotch, who merely shrugged, unconcerned. His mind kept drifting to the beautiful blond beside him, forgetting he even had a girlfriend.

“I'm not exactly sure how it happened,” Prentiss began, drawing attention back to her and Morgan, “but we found ourselves in a room with Ashley and Kevin.”

Prentiss giggled as her back hit the bed. She looked to her left to Seaver laughing, too. Prentiss rolled slightly on her side. She reached out and cupped Seaver's smooth cheek, drawing her in for a kiss. Prentiss gasped after a few minutes, breaking the kiss when she felt her pants being removed. Prentiss looked down to see Kevin removing her jeans slowly down her legs. She winked at him and instructed him to get undressed while she removed her top and bra. Slow was not what she had in mind tonight.

Next to her, Seaver squealed as Morgan ran his strong hands up her thighs, under her dress. He dragged her red satin thong down her legs, stopping to sniff it before tossing it over his shoulder. She sat up slightly to help him remove her dress and to run her nails under his shirt. She pulled it off of him before laying back down. Morgan kissed her stomach, nipped her thighs, his hands roving over her the entire time. He circled his tongue around her outer lips. He moved methodically inward, drinking in her sweet nectar.

“OH! Right there. Right there!” Prentiss crowed. Seaver moved her gaze from Morgan to Prentiss and Kevin. Kevin's face was buried deep in Prentiss' core, two fingers pumping vigorously in and out of her. Seaver reached over and groped Prentiss' breast. She rolled the nipple between her fingers triggering Prentiss' orgasm. Prentiss lifted her back off the bed in almost a perfect bow as she cried out. Crashing back to Earth, she moved her attention back to Seaver. Prentiss moved over to lick and suck Seaver's nipples.

“Oh shit! Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit!” Seaver wailed as her own orgasm swept her out to sea.

Prentiss released her, turning her attention back to Kevin, who was putting on one of the green condoms provided in the stockings. He crept up her body, hovering over her as he swept his tongue into her mouth. She looped her arms around his neck, inflamed by the taste of herself on him. Vaguely, she heard grunts and moans from the couple beside her.

Turning Seaver on her side so that she faced Prentiss and Kevin, Morgan began to knead her ass, occasionally adding a gentle tab. Up on his knees, he slid his covered staff slowly into her from behind, grinning wildly at the tiny pleas falling from Seaver's lips. Once he was securely inside, Morgan pressed her legs together. Using the one on top as leverage, he thrust in and out of her.

“Honey, you are so hot, so tight, so sweet,” Morgan growl, touching her all over with his spare hand. Seaver was unable to respond past tiny wails.

“You are the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on,” Kevin told Prentiss, drawing tiny patterns down her body. He shifted her so that she was nearly perpendicular to Morgan and Seaver. He kept one leg on the floor and the other on the bed. Kevin raised her legs into the air and surged into her. Prentiss gasped at his unexpected large size.

“You feel so fucking. Wow. You feel so fucking good,” Prentiss repeated over and over. Anxious to do something with her hands and unable to touch Kevin, she turned her attention to Seaver once again. Their mouths met in a frenzy of tongues and teeth, hands raced to fondle each other. Seaver found herself on the edge when Morgan stopped suddenly and pulled out of her. 

He smirked at her glare. “I want to see you ride me, honey.”

Seaver bit her bottom lip as she nodded. She rose to let Morgan take her place. She wasted no time impaling herself on him. Seaver rocked at a leisurely pace, allowing her hands to roam over his chiseled chest.

Kevin also moved from Prentiss, prodding her to get on her hands and knees. Placing both feet on the ground, Kevin reentered her from behind. He grasped her hips and set a fevered pace, determined to make her come before he did. Prentiss caressed Morgan's balls causing him to buck wildly into Seaver.

Both couples raced towards ecstasy. Words were lost in sensual noises. Sweat and sex filled the air. Seaver was the first to call out her bliss followed in quick succession by Prentiss, Kevin, and Morgan. Prentiss and Seaver fell into the middle of bed, tangled together. Kevin and Morgan snuggled their partners from behind.

“We both woke up at the same time to the sounds of someone getting it on,” Morgan finished, shooting an amused look at both JJ and Hotch. Now that he knew which couple it had been, he planned on having a lot of fun with it. 

“I think that pretty much all woke us up,” Rossi said, entering the room to find six pairs of anger eyes staring back at him. He threw his hands up in defense. “What?”


	5. Rossi and Strauss

“Dave,” Hotch gnarled, “what the hell was in that punch?”

“The punch?” he repeated, confused. He tried to recall the ingredients. “As far as I know, just sugar, water, Jell-O, a few juices, and soda. There's not even alcohol in it. Why?”

Garcia sauntered over to him. She licked a spot of strawberry body paint from his neck. “Mm. Have any interesting hook-ups last night?”

Rossi smirked. “Just Erin.” He chuckled when there were glances in Hotch's direction. “Wrong Erin.”

“I thought you were broken up,” Reid squeaked.

“We are,” Rossi assured him, shooting him a strange look at his reaction. “But, you know, the holidays and such can bring lonely souls together.”

Morgan licked his lips. “So, what's this tale of two lonely souls?”

“You know, it's funny,” Rossi replied, cocking his head to the side. “I'm not exactly sure how we ended up in my room, but we did with several of the stockings. Erin pulled the body paint out of each one and laid them on the bed...”

Strauss sat a naked Rossi at the end of the bed so that she could perform a strip tease for him. She unbuttoned her blouse languidly, tossing it into the corner. Next, she unzipped her skirt, shimmying out of it until it lay in a pool around her feet. Strauss stepped out of the pile, kicking her shoes to the side. She reached around to unhook her bra, tossing it him. She smirked when he rubbed it once against his hard-on before throwing it against the wall. Strauss used her thumbs to push her lace panties down her legs, caressing as much of her skin as she was able.

“Like what you see?” she asked Rossi, saucily.

“You've always been incredibly beautiful, bella,” Rossi told her, holding a hand out to draw her close. He snatched her at the waist and rolled her onto the bed. He covered her body with his, staying just out of contact with her skin. “Now, I've noticed that you grabbed a whole bunch of this body paint here.”

Strauss lifted her chin. “Up for a little painting?”

Rossi kissed her bruisingly. “Oh, I'm up for just about anything tonight.”

He sat back on his knees, grabbing the jar of pina colada paint. He dipped his finger inside and began to paint her body. He started with her lips, tracing her lips. He drew spirals across her neck from one ear to the other. Rossi ran circles around both of her breasts, adding an extra amount on each nipple. He swept random patterns down her stomach to the top of her blond pubic hair. He created fireworks on her thighs.

“My turn,” Strauss ordered, panting over the attention that Rossi had paid her body. She picked up the strawberry jar and sniffed the contents. Strauss covered his face as if sending him off to war. She drew flowers down his chest, making sure to color the dimples of his hips. She slowly traced a line around his penis starting at the base and circling around to the tip. She reversed course to double up on the paint. Strauss lowered her mouth towards his length only to yelp in surprise when she found her body spinning through the air.

“Try to relax,” Rossi murmured in her ear. He lowered his mouth to hers kissing away the body paint from her lips, careful not to touch the rest of her. He lapped up the paint from across her neck, spending extra time on the spots behind ears as it made her squirm.

He languidly brushed his tongue over her nipples before licking her breasts clean. He captured as much of her right breast in his mouth as could before sucking hard, leaving a large purple bruise. Rossi added his teeth as he expunged the paint from her stomach and her thighs. He blew hot air over her core, reveling in the way her body quiver. He gave her one long lick up her center. He moved his head down for more only to be stopped by her hand on his forehead.

“What are planning on doing there, bella?” Rossi asked her, his dark eyes twinkling.

Strauss leered at him. “I'm going to make you beg.”

“Good luck with that.”

She set about systematically tearing down his tight control. She quickly disposed of the point over his body, leaving only his staff, which twinged, purple and hard under the white paint. Strauss moved her lips up and down, sucking as she went until his hips were snapping.

“You win. Okay?” Rossi told her, clutching the bed sheets. “I'm begging. Erin, please!”

Strauss gave once last swirl around his tip, moaning at the combination of the saltiness of his pre-cum and the sweetness of the paint. She moved to lower herself onto his length only to find herself once again unexpectedly in the air. Rossi lifted one of her legs in the air as he rammed into her.

“You better be ready for me,” he warned.

“I've been ready for an hour,” she shot back. She shouted his name as thrust roughly in and out of her. “Harder, David! Harder!”

Sweat poured from both of them as he increased the pace. A ball of fire built deep within both of them, threatening to consume them. It erupted out of them in a hailstorm of screams and sticky liquids. He rolled off of her, let the air cool them both.

“After that, we fell asleep,” Rossi told the room. “And as I told you, Hotch and JJ woke me up.” 

“So, you really don't know what was in the punch?” Prentiss asked.

Rossi shook his head. “I feel fine. Does anyone not feel fine?”

Reid cleared his throat when no one had a response for Rossi. “I feel hungry.”

“Come on. I'll make some breakfast.”

The BAU members followed Rossi into the kitchen, each of them searching for clues as to what had happened the night before to cause such freedom on their inhibitions. Rossi stopped suddenly when he entered the kitchen, causing a pile up behind him.

“What the hell, Rossi?” Morgan demanded.

“Look, beef cake,” Garcia told him, pointing to the kitchen table. There, spread eagle in the center, was Anderson, cloth-less except for a string of multi-colored Christmas lights wrapped around his body.

JJ chuckled. “This has got to be an interesting story.”


	6. Anderson and Jordan

“Anderson. Hey, Anderson,” JJ whispered, tapping on his forehead. “Anderson, wake up.”

“Jordan!” Anderson shouted, sitting up abruptly. He looked around blearily.

Prentiss snickered. “Jordan Todd?”

Hotch cringed, rolling his eyes to the ceiling. “Could someone cover him up?”

Reid grabbed a snowman tea towel from the kitchen and discreetly covered Anderson's package. He shrugged off Morgan's “you're an idiot” look. Reid focused on Anderson. “Why are you covered in lights?”

“I'm not exactly sure,” Anderson replied, slowly, taking in the lights he was covered in. “What the hell was in that punch?”

“Anderson,” Morgan started. He paused and switched questions. “What is your first name anyway?”

Anderson shot him an annoyed look. “It's-”

“Why don't you tell us what you remember?” Garcia interrupted, asking sweetly.

He took a deep breath. “I came into the kitchen to get a bottle of water...”

Anderson froze when he caught sight of Jordan sitting on the kitchen table. She was leaning slightly back on her hands, pushing her chest forward, straining against the buttons of her creamy blouse. She kicked her feet playfully.

“There you are, Anderson,” Jordan said. “I've been looking for you.”

“Me?” he squawked. 

She nodded. “I've been checking you out all night, Anderson. Anderson. What is your first name, anyway?” He opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off when Jordan continued, “Why don't you step a little closer, Anderson?”

He took a step closer, placing his hands on her knees. Jordan bit her bottom lip and deliberately opening her legs to reveal that she was wearing no underwear. Anderson felt a shiver go down his back. “I, um, you-”

“Like what you see?” she asked him, running her hands up his chest.

“More than you know.” Anderson bent and licked her neck.

Jordan began to remove her blouse, urging Anderson to strip as well. She took her bra off as well, but left her skirt on. She pulled Anderson to her as soon as he was nude, wrapping her legs around him. She pulled him down to her, plundering his mouth, teasing with her tongue that was making his toes curl.

She pulled away abruptly. “I want to screw you like a Christmas tree.”

Anderson paused. “What does that even mean?”

“It's means,” she nipped his ear as she jumped down from the table, “that I'm going to wrap you up in Christmas lights and fuck you until you scream.”

“Um,” Anderson started to protest, but she had already run into the dining room to pull a string of lights from the window. When she returned, she plugged in the lights before wrapping his legs individually, followed by his torso and each arm.

“My own fuckable Christmas tree,” Jordan announced, clapping gleefully. She shoved him onto the kitchen table and climbed on top of him. She fanned her skirt over both of them. 

Tweaking his nipple as she ran her wetness up and down his shaft, she grinned shamelessly at the thrashing movements of his head. She continued to tease him, her pubic tickling his length. She paused at the end of each pass, letting just the tip inside of her, before moving away again.

“Jordan, please,” Anderson begged. “I can't take much more.”

“Hold on,” Jordan promised. She leaned over him to pull a condom out of a stocking left on the table. She rolled it onto him and promptly impaled herself on his rock hard erection. She rode him roughly, grabbing what she could of his dark in one hand and digging her nails into his shoulder with the other. She shouted, lost in her own world, “Oh, hell yeah! That's right! Fuck, yeah! I'm riding my own personal Christmas tree! That's right, Santa! Do me! Do me!”

Anderson held onto her hips with all he had as the table began to scrap across the floor. Her words both frightened and confused him, but he was too far gone to care. He came suddenly with such force that he nearly threw her off the table. “Fuuuuuuuuucccccccccckkkkkkkkk!”

“Ho! Ho! Ho!” Jordan screeched as her own orgasm hit her. She hit him repeatedly on the chest as she came down from her high. She clenched her muscles to keep his flaccid penis inside of her. “Mm. That was wonderful... like Rudolph, Frosty, and Charlie Brown all rolled into one special present just for me.” She finally released him and hopped down. “Stay right here. And leave the lights on.”

“I must have passed out because the next thing I remember is you guys waking me up here,” Anderson concluded.

Prentiss let out a long swoosh of air. “That Jordan is a freak!”

“Like you didn't already know that.” Garcia wiggled her eyebrows. “I sure hope I remembered to get her number.”

“You know, I actually eat on this table,” Rossi said, staring at it with disgust. “I'm going to have to get a new one.”

“I'm suddenly not hungry anymore,” JJ announced as the weight of everything that had happened the night before sunk in. She looked at Hotch and could see that he was thinking the same thing. “I think we should all leave and never speak of this again to each other.” She sighed to herself, “Some of us have messes to clean up.”

The rest of team nodded their agreement, not particularly eager to relive the previous night, with the exception of Rossi and Garcia. They scattered throughout the house to wake their partners and gather their things. The house was amazingly quiet considering the number of people moving within it.

“Thanks, Rossi,” Garcia told him as she left. She was the last holdout. She placed a lingering kiss on his lips. “I had a wonderful time. And if you ever find out what the hell was in that punch, please let me know.”

“You know, kitten, you don't have to run quite so quickly,” Rossi offered. “I do believe Erin is still around, gathering things she left when we broke up.”

“Oh!” she giggled before following him back into the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only thing we have left is the epilogue, which is, sadly, smut free.


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the conclusion. Thank you all for sticking with this crazy story!

“JJ, you were right,” Garcia told her as they walked from JJ's dining room into her living room. “This was the perfect place to hold this year's Christmas party.”

“Thanks, Pen. I figured we should all avoid Rossi's at the holiday from now on,” she joked.

Prentiss popped her head between the two. “And I noticed that you're not serving any punch.”

JJ shook her head, emphatically. “Absolutely no open containers off any kind.” She glanced around at the people in the room. “Although, it wasn't all bad, what happened last year.”

Prentiss and Garcia joined her in scanning. Since Rossi's party the previous year, several new couples had emerged, in the midst of the partygoers. Will and Beth were sitting together on the couch talking to Jack and Henry. Their hands were laced together. Kevin and Seaver were squeezed on the chair, laughing about something on his phone. His hand was firmly on her thigh. Off in the corner, Jordan and Gina were furiously making out, hands roaming all over each other's bodies.

“Could you go stop them before they become pornographic and I have to explain the birds and the bees to the boys?” JJ asked Prentiss, pointing to Jordan and Gina as they began to thrust towards each other.

“Sure thing,” Prentiss agreed, noticing Rossi watching them with an amused expression on his face. “I'll be sure to slap my boyfriend along the way.”

JJ sighed at Garcia's chuckle. “When they have questions about the birds and the bees, I'm sending them to you.”

Garcia laughed harder. “Who do you think they've already gone to with their questions about how babies are born?”

Morgan walked up to them, carrying a crying infant in his arms. He passed the baby to JJ. “Here, Mama. I'm pretty sure Noelle needs something only you can provide.”

“I got it. Thanks, Morgan.” JJ smiled at him before turning her attention to the baby. She wandered off to the kitchen.

“You ever think about having one of those, baby girl?” Morgan asked Garcia as her eyes followed JJ.

Garcia shrugged. “Sometimes. Why? You offering?”

Morgan grinned widely. “Maybe, I am. It would mean no more after hours parties with anyone else, though. What do you say we have a further discussion at my place after the party?”

“I'd say you're on!” she replied, gleefully.

Walking by, Hotch shook his head. As he learned last year, it was best to stay out of the personal lives of his team, especially when it came to Garcia. JJ had dropped enough hints about what Garcia did off hours to make him shudder. Hotch entered the kitchen to find JJ sitting at the table, breastfeeding the baby. He leaned down and kissed JJ, stroking the baby's dark curls.

“I love you,” Hotch told her, kneeling beside them, “and I love our daughter, but I cannot wait until your breasts are all mine again... so to speak.”

“Me, too,” JJ responded. “I've already guilted Rossi into taking our three little darlings as soon as Noelle is off the breast. Who would have thought that one crazy party would have led to the perfect life we have?”

Hotch laughed. “Who would have thought one bowl of punch would have led to our beautiful princess here?”

She nodded, sheepishly. “Especially with the number of condoms in the house the night!”

“Clearly, it was meant to be, just like us.” He stretched up to kiss her only to be interrupted by Morgan rushing through the kitchen door, a cheshire grin on his face.

“You guys are never going to believe this!” He was practically bouncing on his feet. “Reid knocked up Strauss!”

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays, Everyone!


End file.
